I Always Wondered
by CougarGirl
Summary: Set after the Season 7 Curse is broken. Regina and Emma haven't seen each other in years. Deep into a failing marriage, Emma seeks the comfort of a long lost friend. The lost past reveals itself. But there's no changing the past...or is there?


**Swanqueen one shot. Set 5 years after the curse of Season 7 was broken. Inspired by several SWANQUEEN fanvids featuring Idina Menzel's "Extraordinary".**

Regina was taking inventory in the stockroom when Cindy came in. She looked over the brim of her black rimmed glasses as she eyed the boxes of vodka piled up in the back. She heard the woman enter but didn't take her focus off the task at hand. "This celebrity vodka we were told would sell like hot cakes is selling more like tofu omelettes."

She couldn't see Cindy wrinkle her nose at the comparison, but she imagined she got her point across. The twenty something barmaid pursed her lips in mild amusement. Roni was a good enough boss, though a bit of a bitch sometimes. The woman had a good heart and was always good to her. Cindy had no knowledge of business or profits, but she knew whatever Roni had done since buying the bar had brought it out of the ashes. 'Queen's Curse' bar was always hopping on the weekends and at the top of everyone's lists of best nightclubs in town. Cindy snapped her gum and leaned on the door frame. "Something blow up with you and Stacy?"

Keeping her eyes and mind on her task, Regina gracefully dismissed her employee's inappropriate probing into her boss's personal life. "No..." she said absentmindedly. "Not that it's any of your business." She let a moment pass as she hoped her heavy handed hint would sink into Cindy's thick skull. She was a nice girl, but...well... _really, really_ stupid. Regina lived her entire life in fairy tale land and still had more real world street smarts than this girl. When she felt enough time had passed she rolled her eyes. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

Cindy snapped her gum again, smacking obnoxiously. "Cuz there's a hot blonde by the name of Emma asking for you out front."

Regina froze. "Emma?"

Cindy smiled. "Yup."

Regina spun around, unable to hide the look of shock on her face from her subordinate. She tried to ignore it when Cindy wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. She tried to regain her composure. "I-Tell her I'll be out in a moment." She watched Cindy smile suggestively and walk back out front. Regina felt weak. She set the clipboard she had been holding down and smoothed down her shirt. How long had it been since she'd seen Emma? Why was she here?

When the curse was broken, thanks to Emma once again, Regina had decided to stay. The time she had been under the curse had changed her in ways she didn't think possible. She was at ease. Care free. No evil queen stigma, no crosses to bear, no past to keep trying to make up for. She was her own woman living a simple, pressure free life. She liked it. Henry was a grown man with life now, and she could see him any time she liked. Once she found the pirate, Emma had chosen to return to Storybrooke to continue her life there. Regina had nothing to go back to, and thanks to her newfound sense of personal freedom felt no obligation to return. So she remained Roni. With all her memories intact, she was a new, improved Roni, no doubt. She was a weird combination of the two women. Still the hard, ambitious, confident, kick ass Regina;But also the calm, cool, easy going Roni she had been for a time. The combination worked, and Regina had found a sort of peace she had never felt before. Still...something had always been missing. Hearing Emma had come to see her only ampliphied those feelings. She had long ago given up on ever having a relationship with Emma more than friendship. But that didn't stop the feelings every time she saw the blonde. They saw each other often after the curse broke. Henry split his time between his home with his wife and his family back in Storybrooke. Always wanting to be near Henry, Regina frequented their old town of Storybrooke to be with him, and thus, saw his other mother often. But once Henry decided to move back to the city, she saw him all the time. Her reasons to return to Storybrooke faded, as did her friendship with Emma. She was caught up in her marriage to Killian, and Regina stepped back until suddenly it had been years since their last contact. Now here Regina was...fluffing her hair and clearing her throat as she pushed the swinging doors open to greet a long lost friend.

XXXXXXXXXX

Emma fiddled impossibly with her own fingers, waiting impatiently for Regina to appear. She had no idea how she ended up at Regina's bar, and truthfully hadn't even thought about how she would explain herself. She looked up nervously as the doors swung open, and was relieved to see only the busty bartender come through. She smiled weakly.

"She'll be right out," Cindy smiled a toothy grin. She saw the blonde's nerves and grinned. "Want anything while you're waiting?"

Emma thought. A drink would be good. Calm her nerves. "Um...yeah. Shot of Captain Morgan, please," she said without thinking. When she saw the red headed bartender crinkle her nose, Emma realized what she had asked for. She didn't like rum either. How had she come to drinking something she didn't even like? She stopped the girl before she poured. "Actually...make that a Jack on the rocks." She was pleased with her decision, especially when she got an approving look from the girl. When the drink was put in front of her, Emma immediately took a strong pull. Just as she set the glass down, the swinging doors opened to reveal Regina walking through towards her. Immediately Emma's throat closed up.

The woman was radiant. Over 40 now, Regina hadn't aged a day since the moment Emma met her. She couldn't help but think Regina had some magic hold over to keep her looking so beautiful. As her eyes met those chocolate brown orbs coming toward her, Emma lost her breath, just as she used to all those years ago. Once those lips curled into a smile, Emma went down the rabbit hole. A slide show of memories paraded in front of her...years of hate, angst, hardships, adventure and comradery pummeling her brain and heart. Regina moved in slow motion towards her, until the slide show ended at the reality. She cleared her throat and smiled back. "Reg-Roni!"

The moment Regina set eyes on Emma, the strong, unbreakable person she was became just a shell. That woman could always turn her to mush, though she had been infallible at hiding it. Emma had no idea that inside Regina was a scared puppy. As she approached, she took in the blonde's appearance. The years between meetings hadn't aged Emma, but something had. The gold in her hair had lost it's luster. She had dark circles under her eyes and frown lines marred her face. The blue eyes that had once been so bright were now dull and nearly lifeless. Except for when they caught Regina's. Then they became fearful and yet hopeful. So she smiled, as big as her heart would allow. "Emma?!" She exclaimed happily. She opened the swinging door and entered the public space of the bar. It was only 2 pm so the bar was nearly dead. They held a gaze only for a moment as Regina closed the distance between them and hugged her son's other mother.

It was an awkward hug. Emma wasn't sure how familiar she should be, and so cut it short. She pulled back and immediately avoided Regina's gaze, instead choosing to grab her drink and return her elbows to the bar. She looked back shyly as she saw Regina take a comfortably confident lean on the bar. It was hers, after all. Finally, words found her. "Hi, Regina. It's good to see you."

Regina ignored the pain in her chest and kept smiling. "Well, its good to see you too, Emma! It's been a long time, what, three years?" Regina knew exactly how long it had been. Three years, four months, six days. But her defenses were working. She swallowed down the ball in her throat. "What brings you here?"

Well, shit. She was supposed to come up with an excuse, wasn't she? "Um...following a lead. Thief. Tracked him down and...I just thought I'd stop in since I was here." There. That sounded good, right?

Regina thought it sounded like a load of crap, but she nodded and smiled none the less. She didn't have time to respond when a blurr of color and noise came through the door of the bar. Finally her eyes were torn away when she felt a strong arm around her, twisting her body away from Emma.

"Hey, Babe," the woman said before planting a strong kiss to Regina's lips. "Listen, I'm late, so I don't have time to hang out. I know you're not thrilled about it, but can you please meet me at the cast party Saturday night? It'll be better if I show up with a date. It looks better on me, and listen, you might meet some poor sucker willing to give you money for that business grant you're looking for, right?"

Emma watched the exchange in embarrassed silence, but took in every word. Did she call Regina 'babe'? Emma flushed a shade of red she didn't know existed as her body betrayed her in ways she didn't know were possible.

Regina cleared her throat and tried not to show her discomfort. She listened to Stacy as she kept one eye on Emma's reaction. Red. Just as Regina expected. But she would never let Emma know of her embarrassment. "All right. I'll be there."

When the tall blonde gave Regina an embarrassingly long kiss on the lips, Emma couldn't help but stare with her mouth agape. Regina avoided Emma's gaze as much as she could as Stacy made her way back out of the bar and around the corner. Finally she forced a smile and looked back at Emma. "Sorry about that. You were saying?"

Emma had no idea what she had been saying. She was more concerned with what she had just witnessed. "Who was that?" She didn't mean to say it. It just came out.

Regina was not prepared for that question. She faltered only a moment. "Um..that was Stacy."

Emma couldn't stop herself. "Is she your-are you two-that's your...girlfriend?"

Regina was cringing inside. Everyone in the Enchanted Forest had known Regina had no preference when it came to the gender of her lovers, but it was never a topic discussed with Emma. She hid the inner turmoil and scoffed. "She wishes," Regina retorted, satisfied with her answer. Seeing Emma's discomfort, Regina boldly chose to continue. "It's just casual. I'm not into relationships anymore. Too much drama." When she saw Emma looking shocked and finishing her drink, Regina's defenses raised. Anyone who knows Regina knows defense means offense. She walked back behind the bar and grabbed the bottle of Jack, refilling Emma's drink. She poured one for herself and leaned forward, clinking Emma's glass. Noting the shy look on Emma's face, Regina laughed and shook her head, taking a sip of the whiskey. "Oh come on, Emma, don't tell me you're put off by the fact I consort with women."

Emma immediately sat upright. "No! No, of course not, never," Emma finally was able to meet Regina's curious gaze. "It's just-I never-I didn't know, is all."

Regina scoffed. There's now way Emma didn't know. Once look at the blonde' face told her she wasn't joking. "You're serious." When Emma shook her head slowly, Regina was taken aback. How could Emma not know? "You didn't know?!"

Emma shrugged her shoulders. "No! How would I have known? I mean there was Graham, Daniel, Robin...no signs of liking women anywhere in there!"

Regina laughed to herself, leaning toward Emma across the bar. She saw the savior's eyes flutter and smiled. "What, you're going to tell me you never noticed?"

Emma swallowed hard, allowing her body to react to the nearness of Regina's face. The woman's perfume seeped into Emma's brain. "Noticed what?" It came out in a whisper.

Regina found they had locked eyes. It was as if the years had melted away...like they were right back where they were so many years ago. Familiar, friendly, longing, together yet not together...all the feelings came flooding back. She narrowed her eyes, knowing they twinkled. "Come on, Emma. You're gonna tell me you never noticed all the times I practically begged you to kiss me?"

Emma was shocked, and it showed. She inadvertently leaned back in her chair, breaking the spell that had hung between them. "What? No, you didn't!"

Regina stood upright again, smirking as she threw back the rest of her drink. "You didn't notice, did you? Wow, you really are dense." She let out a chuckle as she refilled both their drinks. "At least I know you weren't rejecting me, you were just...too 'Charming'".

Emma was speechless. How could she have missed that? There were plenty of times where Emma noticed Regina getting a little closer than friends should, and she definitely noticed the long looks and secret smiles. There were so many, in fact, that Emma began to just chalk it up to her own imagination. She had at one point become so infatuated by Regina, that she had to put the clamps down so she didn't drive herself mad. Giving into her feelings for Regina would have spelled disaster, especially since she didn't think Regina felt the same way. That's when she had clung so dearly to Killian; Why she still had to this day clung to a man she didn't love. Well, look where that had gotten her. Nowhere into a dead end marriage that was slowly killing her inside. To hear now, all these years later that she had been right, that Regina was hitting on her left Emma breathless. Embarrassed. And oh so regretful. "No, Regina, I-I didn't know."

Regina found them gazing at each other again. But she saw something in Emma's eyes now. Compassion and a bit of...regret? Regina did what she did best. Deflect and downplay. She shrugged. "Ah, no matter. Nothing good would have come of that anyway, right? I mean...things have worked out for the best. I'm perfectly happy here, I love my bar and...well, I can have anyone I choose. You're terribly happy in your fairytale ending with the pirate." She paused for only a moment as she noticed Emma look away. "Right?" She got no response. "Right, Emma? You are happy, right Emma?"

She thought about telling the truth. But she was too prideful. Too much time had passed. Regina said it herself, she was happy. Emma couldn't dump her failing marriage on her. So she nodded. "Yes. Yes, of course." She could have sworn she saw a look of disappointment in Regina's eyes. It was fleeting, and so Emma chalked it up to another moment of wishful thinking.

Regina didn't want to believe her. She wanted to believe that Emma's sudden reappearance in her life was a sign. That Emma missed her. But Regina knew she had forfeited her chance of having a truly happy ending years ago when she had given in to the darkness. That seemed like a lifetime ago, but Regina knew she would pay for it until the day she died. Instead, she nodded, smiling her best to fake it to the blonde across from her.

Emma nodded and smiled back. She finished her drink and sighed. She slapped her palms on the table and stood up. Truth was, she didn't know what it was that brought her here to begin with. She had another fight with Killian. Another night of him coming home drunk, asking her to be the perfect little wife who had dinner on the table and pleasured him when he wanted. She tried, but it was sapping her strength, a strength she found she used to get from Regina. She didn't know what she expected, but seeing Regina here so happy...she knew she didn't belong here. She looked at Regina one last time and smiled. "I gotta go, Regina."

Regina nodded her head sadly, placing her hands in her back pockets. "Yeah, I'm sure your husband is waiting on you at home."

Emma just nodded. "Thanks for the drink." She looked around then back to the beautiful brunette across the bar. "It's a nice place, Regina. I'm glad you're happy."

Regina couldn't think of anything to say, so she smiled and nodded. As Emma turned to go, Regina rolled her eyes at her own awkwardness and sighed out. "Emma," she called to her.

Emma whipped around faster than she probably should have, seeing Regina come out from around the bar. She froze as Regina walked up slowly to her. When Regina came to a stop, a mere inches from her face, Emma felt the butterflies well up inside her once more. When Regina reached up and pulled her into a hug, Emma melted into it.

This was a proper hug. Regina felt that old connection again, the one that she had relied on for so long. It felt good, as if even in this land with no magic, there was something in each of them reaching out to the other. It felt good, too good, and Regina was loathed to let her go. But she did.

Emma held on a bit, not allowing Regina to let go as quickly as the brunette had tried. Noticing, Regina met Emma's eyes, glancing down to see their lips inches apart. Emma found a strength and bravery she only had around Regina. "Do you ever wonder?"

Regina swallowed hard, losing herself in the blue in Emma's eyes. "What?" She whispered.

Emma licked her lips. "If-if things could have been different?"

Regina wanted to ask 'what things'. She wanted to let this scene play out, and face whatever awkwardness was to come. But she had learned from her unnaturally long lifetime. She learned to let go of her selfishness. And giving into that question would have been selfish. She shrugged. "Sometimes. But..those thoughts don't lead anywhere. Everything that has happened, has been written in the stars. Fate, right? Everything happened as it should." She couldn't stop the tear that formed, but was able to keep it from falling. "Besides, we all got what we wanted! Happy endings abound! It's not like we could change anything now anyway, even if we wanted to. Now, go on, get back to your husband."

Emma fought to tear herself away. Regina had all but dismissed her, but Emma's superpower was going crazy. She took steps backward, not letting go of Regina's hand until she had no choice. With one last half smile, Emma turned and headed for the door. She opened it, turning one last time to see the one that got away. They met eyes, Emma noticing that the tear had finally dropped. Regina smiled and waved, grief once more gripping her as Emma slipped out the door and left her once more.

As she left Regina behind her, Emma broke down. She slipped behind the wheel of her oversized hummer, appalled at herself for letting Killian convince her to buy such a disgusting vehicle. She gripped the wheel as she sobbed, finally letting her emotions out. As a thought entered her brain, she suddenly stopped. She wiped the tears falling off her face and took a deep breath. With a newfound resolve, Emma threw the hummer into gear and sped off.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

He heard the bell ring, but didn't look up from his book. As her fast footfalls came closer, he finally glanced up. Without uttering a greeting, he looked back down, turning the page of the centuries old spell book.

"Well? Do you have it?"

He didn't make a motion. "Yes," he said slowly. He put the book down and reached down into the cabinet below the desk. He slowly pulled out a potion, bright green liquid glowing in a clear bottle. He did not offer it right away. Instead he looked sternly at her. "Are you sure?"

Emma looked from the potion back up to meet him in they eye. She nodded emphatically. "Yes. Im sure."

"Once it is done, there is no way to go back. This is a reversal spell, and once cast can not be undone. You are not guaranteed the results you are looking for. What happens will happen naturally, you can not force a future that does not want to happen."

Emma sighed. She had never been so sure about anything in her life. "I'm sure."

With a noble bow, The Dragon handed Emma the vial, watching as the blonde looked curiously at it. He smiled inward, knowing that this was long overdue.

She haggard a breath, looking up at him. "What do I do?"

"Drink it all at once." He watched her pull the top off with a pop, and not hesitate as she downed the small bottle of potion. When she looked back, he nodded. "Now...think back. Think back to where you want to go. Where you want to start anew. Focus on a moment. You will be taken there. The past will be erased, and you can start again."

Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She thought only for a moment about her present. How her family had been shattered and scattered. How she saw Henry so infrequently. How she had become a mess since Regina had never returned to her. How she had let herself give into lore. Storybrooke. Henry. Her family. Regina. So many moments she wish she could have back. So many times she wanted to...her eyes brightened as she finally picked the right one.

XXXXXXXXXX

 _"We called it Operation Mongoose."_

 _"I like it. It's got style. I'm in."_

 _"You are?"_

 _"I made you a promise I intend to keep. Everyone deserves their happy ending."_

Emma eased into the memory easily, but the past becoming a reality was a bit of a shock. She couldn't help but stagger a bit, Henry reaching out to steady her.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Emma gasped as she regained hold of herself. She looked around and took everything in. _It worked!_ Emma looked down to see Henry's gentle hand on her wrist. She looked up to see his young, innocent, fresh face peering at her with concern. She laughed through a sob and reached up to hold his hand in reassurance. "Yes, Henry, I'm fine." when she saw Henry relax, she finally turned her gaze to Regina.

She was younger, perhaps less worn, but really Emma wouldn't have known. Regina had an uncanny way of maintaining her beauty, a fact that hadn't gotten past Emma. But looking at her now...Emma knew she had made the right decision. She felt renewed, but looking down...the leather jacket, the tall boots...Emma sighed. She was herself again. She vowed in that moment to never let anyone stop her from being herself again. Or from being happy. She sighed out and with it the bad energy that had plagued her for so long expired. She met Regina's eyes again and smiled. She was pleased when a still concerned Regina smiled back.

Regina brushed off the staggering Emma had just done as a misstep and smiled. She took Henry's hand and led them to the door. She felt that something had changed, but couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

Emma couldn't help but stare at Regina. She was radiant. Seeing her again, Emma wondered how she was ever able to resist her feelings for this amazing woman. When they got to the door, she finally had her moment.

"Come on, lets go tell the others!" Henry exclaimed as he headed for the bug.

Emma watched Henry bound down the walk and gently took Regina by the arm, stopping her. "Be right there, Henry." As Henry made his way back down the walk, Emma saw Regina look at her in confusion.

Regina looked down at Emma's hand on her arm and back at Emma "What is it?"

Emma took a deep breath. This was it "Regina-hey, I-" she swallowed hard. Here it was. Her best chance to make this right. One look in Regina's face and her confidence was renewed. They were meant to be. Emma was embarrassed for not realizing it sooner. She gave Regina the best smile she could ever mustered. Emma saw Regina blush and so did the same. She paused as Regina just looked at her "Listen, hey-ah...We never got that shot."

Regina furrowed her eyebrows and chuckled. "Um, I guess not. Still in the mood for drinking are you?"

Emma had no choice but to smile back at the friendship of the beautiful brunette she had so missed. But this time...she would do things right. "Actually...no. Not really." She saw the confusion on Regina's face as she glanced down to see where Henry had gone to. Emma swallowed and went for it. That's why she was here, after all. To get her happy ending. "I was...Maybe we could, I dunno, go to dinner or something?"

Regina brought her head back, mouth agape. "What?"

Emma knew she had to go all in at this point. She took a step forward and looked Regina right in the eye. "I want you to be happy, Regina. And I can't help but think...after all we've been through..." she smiled and thought better of telling Regina the truth. "...Maybe we just need to start again, you and I." She saw Regina come to an understanding of sorts, and smiled through a cleansing sigh. Emma took Regina's hand casually. "Regina, we've gone through a lot. But I need to know something." There was an unnatural pause. "Regina, if I asked you on a date...would you agree?"

Regina froze. It was all she had dreamed of for several years. Was it truly happening? She sighed out, "What?"

Emma had to laugh out a chuckle, taking one of Regina's hand in hers. She looked the queen in the eyes. "I know it's soon. Robin just left. But...I don't want to end up...8 years from now...wishing I hadn't missed out on something." Regina drew in a breath as Emma just clutched her hand tighter. She pulled slightly, pulling Regina in closer. "We both know the risks. But Regina...I'm willing to take them. Are you?"

Regina had dreamed this moment would arrived, but now that it had, so suddenly, she was taken uncharictaristically off guard. She could only shudder until she looked deep in the savior's eyes. This moment was real. And happening. She chuckled into a smile. "Yes. Okay. Yes," she was much more vulnerable than she was prepared to be.

Emma sighed out a smile filled with relief.

XXXXXXXXXX

She walked up the walk she knew so well. It was familiar and yet foreign at the same time. She fought down an aggressive butterfly as she pushed the long awaited doorbell. When Regina opened it, it wasn't the dress. It wasn't the impeccable make up, the impossibly high heels, or even the damn lip scar that threatened to leave Emma undone. It was the eyes. As soon as Emma saw Regina's eyes she knew. She had restarted their destiny to finally find their happy endings. And it was standing right in front of her.


End file.
